"The Unforgivable Mistake" By Anonymous

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“Are you recording her?” I asked.

“Yes. Yes. Look at her, she looks like a crazy person,” she replied with a laugh.

These words will never leave me and will always be my nightmare as long as I’m alive.

When I was in fifth grade, I did not use my brain. This means I did what everyone else was doing and told me to do. One day I decided to bully a girl. Let’s call her Riqab. She is not just a girl, she is new to America, she is Muslim, and she is an immigrant like me. To be clear, bullying was not my idea or the person I was. I got the idea from another girl, Sarah, who got me into the mistake that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

In the winter of 2015, I was standing in line waiting for lunch. It was a cold winter, and the cafeteria was filled with people; three lines of students were all waiting for their food. The smell of pizza filled the air. Sarah, who was behind me texting on her phone, was wearing a black coat and pants. Riqab was in the other line, right across from me.

“Should we record her, it will look funny,” Sarah said.

“No, she doesn’t like it when someone records her. If you don’t want to get in trouble, act it out,” I suggested. Sarah took her phone and put it in front of Riqab to show her that we were “recording” her.

“No, please do not record me!” Riqab was so mad.

“Are you recording her?” I asked, just to make sure Riqab thought we were “recording” her for real.

“Yes. Yes. Look at her, she looks like a crazy person,” Sarah replied with a laugh.

At that point, everyone around was looking at us. Riqab left the cafeteria room and did not eat anything for the rest of the day.

That afternoon, Sarah and I decided to pull Riqab’s hijab off in front of everyone. We did not want to do it in front of the teachers, so we decided to do it after school when there are fewer teachers.

It was 3:30 on a Tuesday afternoon. The front of the school was not crowded, as everyone was on their way to the afterschool bus. There was Riqab, wearing a long hijab with yellow and orange colors and a long sweatshirt with pants. Sarah and I were right behind her. At that moment she turned, and I looked right into Riqab’s eyes. I imagined my mom and thought to myself, I can’t do it, that’s too far. It’s haram.

I was shaking. I didn’t know if it was because of the cold wind or because of something else but Sarah saw me shaking. “You don’t have to do it. I will do it myself.” She seemed angry and happy at the same time.

While Sarah was planning how to grab Riqab’s hijab, I was thinking about what happened to me when I looked Riqab in the eyes. I felt so ashamed, and my heart was beating fast. I thought to myself, What if that was my mother? What if my mother finds out what I did? Is this what I was taught? I was standing there like I was lost in an ocean, not knowing where north or south were. Of course, I did know where north and south were; what I didn’t know was what was right and wrong.

“Ahhhhh, no please!” Riqab’s hijab was almost off her head.

As I looked up, I saw Sarah about to grab the hijab as she ran by Riqab. She ran so fast that Riqab almost fell to the ground. A burst of wind hit me right in the face, at the same moment Sarah succeeded in pulling off Riqab’s hijab. Riqab saw me, and I knew that she knew I was involved with what had just happened. I also knew God was telling me that what I was doing was not right.

The next day Sarah and I found out that Riqab was not going to tell on us, but she would never ever forgive us for what we had done. This was not the first time we had bullied Riqab, but for sure it was the last time I bullied her. On the other hand, Sarah continued right on bullying Riqab.

From that day on, I avoided pictures, so I would know how Riqab felt when she ran away from pictures. I started to stand up for my friends. When I saw someone bullying others, I tried to stop them.

Today, each time I see Riqab in the Arabic store or in the market, I look down at the ground and walk by her with shame. I know she does not recognize me because I have changed a lot, but I recognize her. I recognize the look in her eyes from that day Sarah pulled off her hijab.

Since that time two years ago, I learned that the biggest shame a person can have is from bullying someone or making fun of something that you share with others. Riqab wears a hijab, and my mom wears a hijab. Riqab is new to this country. She came to America because of war, and she is Muslim. I am new to this country, and I came here because of war, too. I am also Muslim. Riqab lost love once. I have lost love once, too. And what did I do? I bullied her and made fun of her. Now do you see why this was an unforgivable mistake?

“See the bad inside yourself, and see the good inside others” – Imam Ali, Ali Ibn Abi Talib