"Neural homicide (apoptosis)"
by Safanah Jalal, Telling Room Author
The reason I have hot droplets running down my cheek from my eyes is the same for why I wanted it to happen.
I wanted anything to drag out the pain. Turns out the one thing to drag it out was the cause.
All I needed was one thought about you to get my heart handcuffed.
All I needed was a thought from you. But I was asking for too much.
I have given everything and still proceed to give;
you might ask,
what have I gained?
I gained a lot: your foot on my frontal lobe, your hand on my mouth, playlists that act like glue to seal the wounds.
over and over, the same damn lines “hahaha” “lol”.
I said it to your face,
I gave you a script to read,
But guess what? You’re still so naive.
I told you over and over again, yet you still don’t perceive… the pain you handed me.
When they cut lines, people think they want to die,
But isn’t it the fact that they want someone to help them survive, to save them from the pain that shattered their insides?
A kid commits suicide,
Doesn’t die,
Wakes up,
They act surprised,
Wonders why,
Their child wants to die,
“Was it because of pressure? School? The rules? No? But how could he be so rude? Didn’t he ever think we would be hurt too?”
No!
It’s because you dimwits never asked “how are you?”
It’s because they dragged out the pain of feeling they belong there too.
It’s because they answered when you needed, and didn’t get the refund when their hearts were bleeding.
A kid that commits suicide but doesn’t die,
is a crazy reincarnation of a soul that died.
If you just asked why,
they might tell you the lie,
that they kept inside,
To prevent mental genocide of the neurons that float inside from the internal homicide.
This piece is being re-published as a part of our new The Voice of a Pride series. Learn more about this series here.
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