"Finding Power" by Ana Burroughs
A tiny snail inside its shell rests on a leaf
Our circumstances are never in our control. I learned this as Covid-19 swept through the world, dismantling lives so suddenly. The school where I felt so safe went online, and then the year ended and we all moved onto high school. As Covid-19 required much isolation I was no longer surrounded by my loved ones, friends, or family in the ways that I was used to. I felt alone. Disconnected from my former community I crawled back into my shell, no longer around the people who brought out the best in me.
When I entered a new school that fall, I found I was trying to be invisible, just as I had been in the past. I hid not just from others but also from who I wanted to be, the person who I truly was. The world stayed in its unpredictable, chaotic state and time only marched on. It took time, but that was what I needed to realize that the world was never going to return to how it once had been. The longer I waited for things to magically change, the more I realized that they never would. I would never return to the community I had known to make me so happy. I accepted that what I had craved so deeply for so long would not return.
I had always been a quiet person and was very reserved. I preferred to spend my time in any social situation as an observer. This felt like the safest option. When I was younger, I often switched schools, and never stayed at one school for more than two consecutive years until fifth grade. At my past schools, people had not been shy about sharing their judgment about others, with others. Before fifth grade, I never established any friendships that might last a lifetime.
In fifth grade, I entered a school that was much smaller than any of my previous ones. This school was like none other that I have ever attended. Its focus was on place-based learning, and our learning happened outdoors. I have always loved nature, animals, snow, and the sun. I felt a sense of security at this place. The people I was around were also happy, and the friendships I made grew to be stronger than I had imagined possible. There was a feeling of acceptance for one other among my class. It was so small, with no more than ten kids. We quickly grew to know one another well, and our class became tight knit. I felt a sense of security at this school. Each friendship grew to be strong, and each person I connected with I grew to love.
Here I allowed myself again to come out of my shell at last, to immerse myself into the community. I felt freedom in sharing my ideas, and to laugh and truly let others see who I am. I slowly let myself be the person I most wanted to be and found joy in doing so, and in being who I was. I accepted who I was, and the fact that there would be situations where I would be the only one in the room who values who I am.
I now know the only acceptance that is guaranteed is the acceptance that comes from myself. That is where inner joy and newfound happiness come from.
Losing my community and losing parts of myself was hard. But I found that in those times and in that change, I discovered even stronger sides of me. The community that I was previously in was essential to leading me to the discovery of the joy I felt when I was my true self. I will forever be thankful for the opportunity of existing in a place where I could become aware of this sense.
The time alone, the time I hid from who I was, was necessary for me to become aware of how vital it is to let myself live authentically. I will continue to be grateful for this in these hard times. I now understand that the environment around us can shape us, but we hold power to shape ourselves and what we can take away from our surroundings. We hold the most power when we let ourselves be our true authentic selves.
Ana Burroughs is a sophomore at Waynflete School, living in Portland, Maine. Her story is a reflection of one of the many lessons she has learned growing up, and one she hopes will connect and inspire others. Ana loves writing, the sunshine and animals. She hopes to travel the world and create meaningful change to her community, and the planet.