"To Be A Girl" by Ella Fenderson (Androscoggin County)
Grand Rapids, Michigan is a beautiful city. In the fall, there’s an art festival that takes place throughout the streets and plazas. There are statues and sculptures everywhere, murals at every corner, light displays. A girl and her mom stay in a hotel a few blocks from the river. They cross a bridge most days after walking around talking and laughing. The girl wears a side-braid, just like her mom. She holds her hand tightly, to stay close. She never walks through a door before her mom, scared she’ll look back to find her gone. Her shoes still light up with each step. She still wears bright colors that make her happy, she still wears a never-ending smile that only sits on a child’s face.
The sky is dark now, starless among the lights of Grand Rapids. Gentle wind blows across the girl’s face. She doesn’t shiver. The temperature is perfect. She could walk and walk and walk and never get tired or want to go home.
Her mom leads her across a street towards a park. One of the only places not flooded in light, it’s also not flooded with people. It stretches along the river, and sits next to the bridge. From the grass, the girl spots tunnels, lit up with color and paint. The lights twinkle between colors, and with each change, different parts of the art come alive.
Also in the park is a group of men. They’re loud and laughing. Her mom shifts her direction so they’re moving diagonally away from the men but still forward. It doesn’t matter. Their voices carry, landing heavy on the mom’s ears and lightly on the girl’s. The mother hears every word and understands every word. The girl just hears shouting. It sounds like they’re teasing them. The girl turns her head to find the source, but she’s pulled forward by her mom’s hand so she leaves it be. Back to the pressing issue, for her.
“Can we go in there?” She points to the tunnels of glittering light and swirling color. Her mom shakes her head and quickens her pace, heading towards the street their hotel is on. The girl’s face drops while she trots to keep up with her mom’s strides. Once they get out of the park and back onto a lit street, her mom stops and kneels down to hold the girl’s cheeks.
“If a group of men yells at you like that, you don't then go under a bridge and into a tunnel.”
The girl is confused. Her mom continues speaking, teaching her about being aware of one’s surroundings, and staying safe. About being a girl.
The next day her smile is gone. Her shoes don’t light up, her clothes are dull. She notices everything; The man who watches her a little too long, the man who smiles at her a little too bright, her teacher she’s a little too comfortable with. She sees the group of men talking next to a truck where she needs to park and she circles the block to see if they leave, and when they don’t, she parks another block away from where she’s going. She sees the article detailing the arrest of that teacher for sexual abuse of a minor, and knows that minor was one of her classmates. So now she sees a man simply walking down the street and she crosses and looks for cameras. Now she gets an uneasy feeling and gets herself out of that situation, except every situation gives her an uneasy feeling. Now she hears the way her family members talk about women and is scared to be in a room alone with them. Now she knows that to be a girl, is to be afraid of everything.
Ella Fenderson is a senior from Turner, ME. "To Be a Girl" is filled with her own experiences in her 18 years, the main story taking place on a mother-daughter trip to Grand Rapids, MI. While she's grown to become incredibly driven by science, she has loved writing since she learned how and enjoys the balance she's struck between learning exactly how the world works and using her creativity to appreciate that world.